


A Mostly Harmless Lie (with apologies to Douglas Adams)

by HYPERFocused



Category: Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy - Douglas Adams, due South
Genre: Crossovers & Fandom Fusions, Douglas Adams, Fandom Secrets Secret Santa 2013, Humor, Librarians, M/M, Panic, Past Abuse, Revelations
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-15
Updated: 2014-06-15
Packaged: 2018-02-04 18:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,533
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1788040
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HYPERFocused/pseuds/HYPERFocused
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Fraser has a secret. Ray tries not to panic.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Mostly Harmless Lie (with apologies to Douglas Adams)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Leyna55 (Leyna)](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Leyna/gifts).



> Douglas Adams is weeping in his grave.(Then again, I'm still weeping that he's in his grave.) Written 1/03/2009 for the Due South Secret Santa, for [](http://leyna55.livejournal.com/profile)[](http://leyna55.livejournal.com/)**leyna55**

Ray and Fraser were a week into their adventure in the Great White North (otherwise known as "What the hell were you _thinking_ Ray?") when Fraser turned to him, placed a hand on his arm, and said "Ray, I owe you an apology."

"No, you don't. We've already established that you didn't mention that it would be colder than two witches' tits here, rather than 'quite bracing, but nothing more than you can comfortably handle', simply because you thought I'd change my mind about the trip if I knew. Which I would not have."

"But Ray--"

"Now the Yeti? That might have given me some pause, but it all turned out all right. Mostly." Ray distractedly rubbed the scratch on his arm where the creature had gotten too close.

"It wasn't _precisely_ a Yeti." Fraser looked a little embarrassed at this.

 

'Whatever it was, if my glasses hadn't frozen over, it would have been freak toast." Fraser never did tell him what the stinky thing was, but he let out some weird sort of whistle, and it ran away. Ray had learned, sometimes with Fraser it was better not to ask.

 

"I have no doubts about that." Fraser smiled at him, and that, more than any wool or flannel clothing or electric socks, warmed Ray.

 

"Well, good. So what's this unnecessary apology for, anyway?"

 

"As I said, it wasn't a Yeti that attacked us. It was -- actually, I can't tell you what it was, until I tell you the truth about myself. I'm afraid I've been prevaricating about more than the local fauna."

 

"English, Frase? Having a little trouble decoding the Mountie-Speak here."

 

"I've lied to you. In fact I have been shamefully less than perfectly honest in my interactions with you since we met. At first I thought I could justify it as sparing you some difficult truths, but it seems I have no choice but to -- finally -- be forthright .You're going to have to hear them now. I only hope that you don't hate me-- or worse, fear me-- once you learn the truth."

 

 _Oh_. Ray was pretty sure he knew where this was going. It was no big deal, because as it so often turned out, he and Fraser were on the same page. It had just taken Fraser a while longer to turn to the right chapter.Why would Ray (no nature lover) have agreed to take this trip with Fraser otherwise?

 

"Fraser, you doofus. Of course I don't hate you. I feel the same way. I didn't think that was news to you. I just thought you were shy about admitting it."

 

"You feel like an alien?"

 

Okay, that was a weird way of putting it. "Jeez. I don't care what your frigid librarian grandparents told you, loving another guy doesn't make you some kind of freak."

 

"Of course it doesn't. Why would you think-- wait. Are you trying to tell me you're in love with me?" Fraser's expression went... odd. Maybe that wasn't what he'd meant, after all? Except Ray _knew_ how Fraser felt about him. It was as clear as the red on his uniform.

 

"Isn't that what you were trying to tell me?"

 

"No. I mean yes, of course I love you. How could I not? You're _Ray_. But that isn't what I've been hiding from you." Fraser took a deep breath, clearly steeling himself up for something. Ray didn't know quite what. if it wasn't an admission that he was not such a _straight_ arrow, after all.

 

"Do you remember the story I tell everyone, about why I've come to Chicago?"

 

"Remember? I think anyone who's spent ten minutes with you has it memorized. 'I first came to Chicago on the trail of the killers of my father and, for reasons which don't need exploring at this juncture, I have remained, attached as liaison to the Canadian consulate.' That about cover it?"

"That covers it more than adequately. I admit, I do say that rather a lot, but only because it helps to keep it memorized lest the real story reveal itself. Cover is the appropriate word here. You see, while the essence of the story is true -- my father's killers were here, I am not actually Canadian, nor am I officially connected to the consulate, fine institution that it is. Surely you must have noticed that I'm not _quite_ like the other Mounties."

"What, you're gonna tell me that you landed in a pod from Planet Krypton? "

'"Don't be silly, Ray. Krypton is a myth,"

"Oh, wait. You're a roving researcher for the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, right?" Ray laughed. Maybe someday Fraser would get to the big admission, whatever it was would probably prove not to be as big a deal as Fraser clearly imagined. In the meantime, at least the excitement was keeping Ray's mind off just how goddamn cold it was.

"By no means, Ray. I have nothing whatsoever to do with that nefarious publication. Hitchhiking is dangerous and against several laws. No, like my grandparents, I am a Librarian, here to do research for the Catalog of Life, the Universe, and Everything. CLUE, for short."

. "Right, Frase. You're an alien _Librarian_. What, and you'll shoot me with your Ray gun if I don't return my books on time?" Ray gun. That was pretty clever, if he did say so himself. "You know, whatever it is, you can tell me. It's not going to change how I feel about you."

"I'm serious, Ray. I asked for the assignment on Earth so I could find my father's killer. I've found him, and my research is done. I brought you back here to locate the Hand of Franklin, that's Heuristic Analyzing Neutralizing Device... With that, Fraser blew that weird little whistle again, and something large and silver and seriously _wrong_ looking rose out of the ice and snow. Ray did his best not to freak the fuck out, but he could tell it wasn't working.

"Don't look straight at it, Ray, it'll only upset you. Consider it a SEP. Only, I'm not sure if that would work for you, would it? That's one of the many things I love about you. It's never somebody else's problem. It's your nature to provide assistance, just like mine."

 

 

 

"That is a spaceship I'm hallucinating, isn't i? Has to be a hallucination because my best buddy here would have mentioned he's not from this planet before, now wouldn't he?" Yep, still freaking out.

 

"Here. Have a look at the previous version of the Catalog." Fraser pulled a large volume out of his pack. About the size of _The Whole Earth Catalog_ (and where Ray had dug up that memory he had no idea), it had the words "Thank You Kindly" scrolled across the cover in the kind of script he'd never managed to learn in grade school, and which he doubted kids were taught now.

"Isn't this supposed to tell me not to panic? Because I could really use that advice."

"Understood." It was weird, but Ray immediately felt himself calming down. Maybe that was Fraser's freaky extra-terrestrial superpower. He understood everything."Actually, while 'Don't Panic' is helpful in the short term, wars have been avoided due to a bit of applied politeness."

 

Fraser wasn't kidding, then. "Alien, hmm?. I should have guessed. So, any special abilities I should know about? Can you fly? X-Ray vision?"

"I can't fly. I might, perhaps, have a slightly higher ability to land safely. And I don't have X-Ray vision, I just have Ray vision."

"Ray vision. I like the sound of that."

"I'm glad. Now that you know who I am, perhaps you've got some questions for me? I'll do my best to answer any I can."

"Is it just you? Anyone else not exactly what they seem? Is Dieffenbaker a Vulcan?"

Dief gave him a reproachful look. Fraser reached down and patted him. "No, my half-wolf friend is exactly what he seems. Detectives Huey and Dewey, however... well, they;re the physical manifestations in this dimension of the CLUE library. I imagine you've heard of the Dewey decimal system."

"That's the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard."

"Sometimes the truth is the most absurd thing of all." Fraser shrugged apologetically.

"I suppose that's true. God knows our time together has proven it." Ray admited. "Okay, will you tell me about your ship? Maybe give me a tour?"

"Of course."

 

Ray watched, fascinated, as Fraser opened the hatch, until a horrifying thought hit him. "Wait a minute, Frase.."

'What is it?" Fraser looked at him worriedly. "Should I not have told you? You know I would never want to cause you any distress."

"It'll take some getting used to, but I'm a go with the flow kind of guy. I'm sure I can handle the whole alien thing."

"But?"

Ray was a little nervous to ask. "The thing I thought you were going to say? That I admitted, too? Do you feel the same way?"

Fraser smiled that bright, happy smile at Ray, and nodded. "That was never a secret, Ray." And when he leaned in to kiss Ray, Ray thought, well, that's at least _one_ Super-human skill.


End file.
